Fake Dommes & Scammers: What you need to know.

Fake Dommes and scammers are everywhere, and unfortunately there is no shortage of people willing to take advantage of someone who is looking for a Dominatrix. It can be difficult to know who is genuine, especially when you are new to BDSM and perhaps do not really know what you should expect, and what protocol is involved.

Finding a professional Dominatrix takes a little time, research and common sense. A quick search or scroll through social media will give you plenty of options, but not everyone you find will be what and who they claim to be.

There are so many genuine Dominatrices who work in very different ways, so do not assume that because someone does things differently from me that they must be fake. The important thing is being able to recognise the red flags, and knowing what you should reasonably expect from someone offering professional services.

Take your time:

One of the biggest mistakes I see is people rushing because they are excited, nervous or simply desperate to finally find someone they can "submit to" or "play with". That is exactly when people are more likely to make poor and ill-informed decisions.

Do your research. Look at the website, social media and any other platforms advertised, but remember that social media only shows you what someone has chosen to put there. Do not base your decision on a few photos or a profile that looks impressive.

A genuine professional will be able to explain how they work, what they offer and what they expect from you as an individual. You should also be able to ask sensible questions without being made to feel uncomfortable for doing so.

Screening and deposits:

A professional Dominatrix may have a screening process, as I do, and that is not something you should automatically see as a red flag. I personally screen all applications because I want to know and understand who it is I am inviting into my private dungeon, and because both sides need to know that the arrangement is suitable and consensual before a session takes place.

You should also expect clear information about tributes, deposits and payment. My personal tribute deposit is 50% of the total session fee and is non-refundable. It is required at the time of booking, not at the application stage. The deposit secures the booking, and the remaining tribute is paid on your arrival.

Again, when researching a professional Dominatrix, make sure you have this information before you decide to go ahead.

The red flag is being asked for money without knowing who you are dealing with, being pressured into paying immediately, being promised things that sound unrealistic or being given no clear information about what it is you are actually paying for.

For some this is a real kink, but only if they're paying a real person!

A deposit by itself does not mean someone is a scammer. In fact, most professional Dominatrices commonly use deposits to secure bookings and avoid time wasters. What matters is the overall picture and whether the person you are dealing with is behaving professionally.

Communication matters:

Communication begins long before the session. When you approach a professional Dominatrix, approach her properly and take the time to read the information she has provided for you. If there is a screening form, complete it properly rather than sending a one-line message asking how much she charges, what she offers or, even worse, telling her your fantasies.

I know it sounds obvious, especially when the screening form has specific questions, but you would be surprised how self-entitled some people are, especially when approaching a professional Dominatrix.

Your initial contact tells someone quite a lot about you. If you cannot be bothered to read the website, information available or answer such basic questions, it does not give the best impression when you are asking someone to trust you enough to invite you into their private space.

Of course, the same applies in reverse. A professional will communicate clearly with you too. You should know what is being offered, what the arrangements are, what the boundaries are and what is expected before you arrive.

Trust your instincts:

If something does not feel right, stop and think.

You do not have to continue to communicate with someone simply because you have already made contact. You do not have to send money because someone is putting pressure on you. You certainly should not feel that you have to ignore your own instincts because you are worried you will lose the opportunity.

There are genuine Dominatrices who will not be right for you, and there are genuine submissives who will not be right for me. That does not make either person fake. Sometimes it simply means the fit is wrong.

A professional should be able to say no, and so should you.

Do your research:

If you have found someone online, spend some time researching before making a booking. Look for consistency across their website and social media, read any genuine reviews and pay attention to how they communicate with you.

You should also be aware of anyone who wants endless unpaid conversation before you have even made a booking. There is a difference between asking and answering questions with potential submissives and spending hours providing free attention.

What you should expect from me, Madame Lockwood:

My website gives you information about who I am, how I work, my screening process and the types of experiences I offer. You should your time to read it before deciding whether I am the right Dominatrix for you.

I do not expect you to know everything about BDSM, (because I don't) particularly if you are new to it.

What I do expect is honesty, respect and a willingness to communicate clearly and responsibly.

I am not interested in rushing people into bookings simply because they are eager. I would rather know that we are compatible before you arrive at my dungeon. There is no reason to feel ashamed about being inexperienced, asking questions or admitting you are just not sure about things. Pretending to know more than you do is far more likely to cause problems, and could be dangerous.

If someone is asking you to ignore your common sense, limits and boundaries, it is a red flag, and a good time to walk away.

Finding a genuine professional Dominatrix should not feel like you are being pressured, manipulated or rushed into handing over money. Take your time, do your research, communicate properly and pay attention.

There are genuine professionals out there as well as real submissives. You just need to take your time to find the ones that are right for you.